Stop the Insanity!
Well it's mid-day here at the trailer and I have stumbled upon yet another rant. I need cable tv. Don't get me wrong, I love that there Welfare TV, but today was a day of destiny - I had actually seen the episode of Laurence Welk before! Even the Antiques Roadshow has lost it's charm. I used to take pleasure in watching people throw hissy fits because great grandma's momma's daddy's pocketwatch was a fake and actually created in Japan about 1972. Yes, that is my one guilty pleasure. Now onto my rant..
I love infomercials. The nifty gadgets that people peddle for $19.95 plus throwing in a free one with cookbook and 15 plastic ties?? That's a bargain folks. Although I must caution you that I have had 2 negative experiences. 1) That pancake flipper. Be warned that your eggs will plop out the side and you'll have a grand time scraping that cooked crap off your burners. 2) The veggie slicer. Oh cmon you've seen it. Slide the little onion down the board for perfect slices everytime! Well I took off my left index nuckle a few years back and now have a scar that looks like a nasty wart. Those two are not recommended, and that rolly sponge mop sucks too, btw. Anyway, again on to my rant.. In between the infomercials and talkshows you will find those dreaded unnecessary commercials. Now you know what I'm talking about, ones that you flip the channel as soon as they arrive. Let me do a run down for you..
1.) Viagra. Granted I am a lesbian but that is not the point. These commercials are unnecessary. I dont need to see Sam all depressed because he cant put out? Sam goes to the dr and gets that lil blue pill and alas, he and the little lady are strolling down the beach hand in hand.. Apparently he didnt suffer that nasty side effect of an erection for longer than 4 hours because the little lady would have killed him for sure..
2.) Tampons and Maxi Pads are a racket. We need 'em, stores have them and it's pretty much a given that we're going to buy them. Why do they feel the need to form the maxipad into a little lawn chair on a beach? And what is this blue water about? I say they need to work on their marketing. Perhaps I will email my suggestion of using homicidal red blood with a few clots. I mean cmon, lets show the 12 year olds what they have to look forward to for the next 40 years? Same goes for Vagisil. Unnecessary commercial - we'll buy it if we need it.
3.) Valtrex. Now THIS is a racket. So some poor schmo's lucky number came up and now they are packing. Ahhh those pesky STD's. So Schmo goes to the dr and after declaring they do not have high blood pressure or seizures, they get a little fix of Valtrex. Once again, they are running along the beach full of joy because the little critters are at bay. - Is anyone seeing this beach pattern? It is disturbing.
4.) Feed the Children/ Adopt an African Orphan/ Feed the Hungry and Desolate. Racket. You sponsor a child for only 23 thirds of a cent per day. This can feed, school and clothe them for a year friends. Then the pathetic pictures. OY! .. Has anyone noticed that little Sambayz with the rice bowl hasnt aged in the last 10 years?.. I truly feel for these children and am sure that most die in vain which is seriously sickening. But I say let's take care of our own before we deport (more) money overseas. I'm not talking about the Red Cross, I'm talking about somewhere that the money is actually going to make it to these folks in need. I'm not saying to go cruise the streets in search of a homeless carjacking but this is a problem folks. We're going to hell in a hand basket.
---------------------------------------
And now for a few of my favorite commercials.. My face lights up every time that I see those Careerbuilder monkeys. Granted I work for a competitor but our commercials suck nowadays - those monkeys have it going on! Another ran around Christmas time. I forget the nifty name but it was basically a belt apparatus for rednecks. It held Santas belt up as not to get ash in his, well you know. And the catch phrase at the end? The big closer "guaranteed to keep the little elves happy!" .. Now that folks was ingenious.. Ohhhh how I love those Chia Pets! (No comments from the gallery please.) Think of how fun they can be - put the water in the hole and watch them grow! (Gallery simmer down..) They come in all different shapes and sizes, cartoon characters and herbal gardens. And besides, they keep a sweat shop factory full of third world workers economically sound. Ok, so they are chained to their terracotta ovens. Moving on.. That egg/muffin toaster has the best ones so far. Poor kid in the fast food joint bored and blowing straw wrappers across the room? This is my ultimate fantasy right here - he sits on the industrial yellow mop bucket paddling across the floor with the mop - like a canoe. HA! I want that job!
Well now, that concludes my rant for the moment. I may plug another entry tonight depending on what sickening turn this world takes in the next 6 hours.. Specials thanks to all my readers for the kind words of encouragement. Please dont forget your moon pie and rc cola on the way out.
You might live in a trailer park if:
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist vs. Minutemaid taste test.
I love infomercials. The nifty gadgets that people peddle for $19.95 plus throwing in a free one with cookbook and 15 plastic ties?? That's a bargain folks. Although I must caution you that I have had 2 negative experiences. 1) That pancake flipper. Be warned that your eggs will plop out the side and you'll have a grand time scraping that cooked crap off your burners. 2) The veggie slicer. Oh cmon you've seen it. Slide the little onion down the board for perfect slices everytime! Well I took off my left index nuckle a few years back and now have a scar that looks like a nasty wart. Those two are not recommended, and that rolly sponge mop sucks too, btw. Anyway, again on to my rant.. In between the infomercials and talkshows you will find those dreaded unnecessary commercials. Now you know what I'm talking about, ones that you flip the channel as soon as they arrive. Let me do a run down for you..
1.) Viagra. Granted I am a lesbian but that is not the point. These commercials are unnecessary. I dont need to see Sam all depressed because he cant put out? Sam goes to the dr and gets that lil blue pill and alas, he and the little lady are strolling down the beach hand in hand.. Apparently he didnt suffer that nasty side effect of an erection for longer than 4 hours because the little lady would have killed him for sure..
2.) Tampons and Maxi Pads are a racket. We need 'em, stores have them and it's pretty much a given that we're going to buy them. Why do they feel the need to form the maxipad into a little lawn chair on a beach? And what is this blue water about? I say they need to work on their marketing. Perhaps I will email my suggestion of using homicidal red blood with a few clots. I mean cmon, lets show the 12 year olds what they have to look forward to for the next 40 years? Same goes for Vagisil. Unnecessary commercial - we'll buy it if we need it.
3.) Valtrex. Now THIS is a racket. So some poor schmo's lucky number came up and now they are packing. Ahhh those pesky STD's. So Schmo goes to the dr and after declaring they do not have high blood pressure or seizures, they get a little fix of Valtrex. Once again, they are running along the beach full of joy because the little critters are at bay. - Is anyone seeing this beach pattern? It is disturbing.
4.) Feed the Children/ Adopt an African Orphan/ Feed the Hungry and Desolate. Racket. You sponsor a child for only 23 thirds of a cent per day. This can feed, school and clothe them for a year friends. Then the pathetic pictures. OY! .. Has anyone noticed that little Sambayz with the rice bowl hasnt aged in the last 10 years?.. I truly feel for these children and am sure that most die in vain which is seriously sickening. But I say let's take care of our own before we deport (more) money overseas. I'm not talking about the Red Cross, I'm talking about somewhere that the money is actually going to make it to these folks in need. I'm not saying to go cruise the streets in search of a homeless carjacking but this is a problem folks. We're going to hell in a hand basket.
---------------------------------------
And now for a few of my favorite commercials.. My face lights up every time that I see those Careerbuilder monkeys. Granted I work for a competitor but our commercials suck nowadays - those monkeys have it going on! Another ran around Christmas time. I forget the nifty name but it was basically a belt apparatus for rednecks. It held Santas belt up as not to get ash in his, well you know. And the catch phrase at the end? The big closer "guaranteed to keep the little elves happy!" .. Now that folks was ingenious.. Ohhhh how I love those Chia Pets! (No comments from the gallery please.) Think of how fun they can be - put the water in the hole and watch them grow! (Gallery simmer down..) They come in all different shapes and sizes, cartoon characters and herbal gardens. And besides, they keep a sweat shop factory full of third world workers economically sound. Ok, so they are chained to their terracotta ovens. Moving on.. That egg/muffin toaster has the best ones so far. Poor kid in the fast food joint bored and blowing straw wrappers across the room? This is my ultimate fantasy right here - he sits on the industrial yellow mop bucket paddling across the floor with the mop - like a canoe. HA! I want that job!
Well now, that concludes my rant for the moment. I may plug another entry tonight depending on what sickening turn this world takes in the next 6 hours.. Specials thanks to all my readers for the kind words of encouragement. Please dont forget your moon pie and rc cola on the way out.
You might live in a trailer park if:
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist vs. Minutemaid taste test.
posted by Renny at
4:16 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home