Please Hold for an Important Message...

Do not call me with an automated recording asking me to hold. It pisses me off.

Let's reserve the "self check out" lanes for people with less than 136 items. Some of us would like to get home before the Rocky Road turns into a mudslide.

Dear Garbage Men: I hate you.

YANKEE ALERT: Have yall heard of the guy who killed his wife a few months back? She wrote a note itemizing his recent purchases "syringes, antifreeze, duct tape, rope" and sent a letter to the local cop shop explaining he was going to kill her. She turned up dead. Now the thing is sitting in the State Supreme Court with his lawyers arguing a mistrial over the fact that they cannot cross-examine her... I dont get these people.

I feel the urge to go forking but am too lazy to go buy forks. Perhaps another day.

Closing with a shout out to that black Lincoln with IL plates on I-94 last night. You did not need to tailgate 3 inches from my bumper. You were brake checked because you deserved it and there was no need for that brake check game to continue another 10 miles. 2 other lanes, use them.


You might live in a trailer park if:
You have ever used lard in bed.