Deep Fried and Double Wide!!

Well folks I am back from my hiatus. For those of you who don't know, we upgraded to a fancy new trailer. Have no worries, yes we brought the graffiti picnic table with us as a reminder. It makes me teary thinking about all we left behind.. Rotting floors, leaky toilet and a window unit that ran us a $400 bill. Don't get me wrong park fans, I do miss throwing the cooking grease out the side door.. very accessible and downwind as not to waft back to the winders...

Bing has decided to go back into law enforcement and was hired full time into the Sheriff's department. My own lil Barney Fife ready for action and Mayberry aint got shit on us.
Bing, I'm proud of you baby!!

Well this is old news but I saved it up and am still feeling it..
Andrea Yates pisses me off folks..
Granted I have never landed a kid or dealt with post depression or whatever the hell but C'mon, she really didn't have it all that terrible. A (nutbrainy supportive) husband who worked for NASA and a stacked house but Satan told her to off the kiddies anyway. Taking one for a dip was sickening enough but she couldn't stop on number 2 or 3? So they send her up the river for a couple of years and low and behold she was requited in her retrial.
Now spends her days lumpin around the nutward while five children lay dead.
What the hell is with this country?

And now a special shout out to LUST PUPPET!
Scoob will have a #3, extra mayo....... heh heh!

Vanilla mint Listerine? Tragically negatory.

I miss quality tv shows and it seems as if nothing good is on anymore. No Queer as Folk, no Carnivale and I miss Six Feet Under. Did you catch that series finale? Omg, beautimus ending folks.. Sopranos will be closing in May and HBO may as well shutdown because I am yet to see anything that stacks up.. Nope, I don't plan on watching the L word again. I didn't cry over Dana and am yet to see a fat, fugly real world dyke??

Ok Ground Control to Captain Baracuuuuuda...
Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio?

You might live in a trailer park if:
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.

Mail Call!

Maybe our Nifty Nine will come back one day soon but here are a couple more emails in the box.
Special thanks to Susan for sending a couple of these in!
Yall crack me up!

What is the best practical joke you have played on someone?
- It wasnt really a practical joke but probably when I started the office on fire with rubber bands and beat the rap ty.

Have you ever eaten wild berries off a bush?
- Yall aint right.

What is something interesting you have discovered recently?
Third Watch reruns on A&E.

Does the battle dive ability of imperial griffins damage your allies if they're in the targetted grid?
- Affirmative Ghostrider.

Is religion more powerful than government?
- Oh certainly.. Damn Republicans.

How many people have you slept with?
- OMG, automatic disqualification!

If you could go anywhere, right now, where would you go?
- Standard.. On a beach with a pina colada coconut.

You might live in a trailer park if:
You have ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

Ok it's been a while since the last entry so let's hit the mailbag.. I have a feeling that the die-hards will be rolling in the aisles but remember that I have your email addresses and know who you are!

You can spin your luck at Klondyke26@yahoo.com

What is the first thing you look at when you meet a new person?
- (Yes, call me a liar but honest to God!) .. Eyes.

What is the most embarrassing story that your parents tell about you?
- I'll throw this one in for my Mom... We were in a store and I was I don't remember, maybe 3? .. The man ahead of us in line had been out running and was sweating profusely. (Yes Mom, I will do it justice) ..
HEYYYYYY MISTER! I SAID HEYYYYY MISTER!
Didn't your Momma ever tell you not to pee in your pants???
HEYYYYY MISTER???????

What is your most lame yet truthful excuse used to call into work?
- My garage door wouldn't open.

How does the body know exactly how fast the heart needs to beat?
- I gauge that on a sliding scale according to coffee and nicotine intake.

Have you ever woken up after a night of being so completely drunk that you wish that you could feel that lingering moment of happiness you felt the night before forever, and life would be worth living? Please describe.
- Omg, my mother and Gamster read this!! Part one yes. Part two no.

Do you like mayonnaise?
- I'm so not going to feed into wherever you are going on this.

Are you afraid to die?
- Negative.

Do you think OJ was guilty?
- He paid good money for it I'm sure.

Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys?
- See mayo question above.

What road sign are you and why?
- Bon Jovi. Because I like the band.

You might live in a trailer park if:
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

Yankee Doodle Ho Hum

Happy Fourth of July dear park fans!

We Americans sure know how to party.
Grills on the lawn, beer in the cooler and explosives!

But the truth is that I am bummed this year.
I moved to Wisconsin in 1999 and met my dear friend Jean. I was new in town and Jean invited me out to her folks lake house for the annual 4th of July bash. I arrived to well over a hundred people. The kids were swimming and playing volleyball, massive amounts of food everywhere and a bonfire around which we sang and watched fireworks over the lake. Jean's folks go all out on this even down to having a special gift for all the kids. Her mom Judy is certainly decked out in a patriotic tshirt today and wishing everyone in sight a "very happy 4th!".. This family took me in as one of their own and the 4th of July blowout quickly became ritual.

This year I am back in Texas and the 4th will never be the same. Thank you Jean, Dave, Bob, Judy, Renee and crew for taking me in. I miss you all this year and wish you the happiest 4th of July yet.
And Marion... have a beer for me.

Leave it to me to live in one of the two counties permitting fireworks this year. Mind you that I am home alone with Animal Kingdom and they are on total spazzout in every direction. This is everyone's first firework experience and as of last headcount, two cats are hiding in the cabinets howling for mercy, the boys are barking with every pop and of course the antisocial Siamese is darting around like a scene out of the movie Platoon.
I'm hoping the 10pm ordinance hits soon......

I'm out of Lucky Charms and Chex isn't looking affirmative. Why does this happen???

I have stumbled upon the most impressive commercial yet folks. It's a new feminine product called Rephresh. Think FDS wipes with a makeover.

- Rephresh. Catchy spellin aint it?

I thought so too until upon further examination and minus two letters..
Rephresh also spells the word herpes.

Quick show of hands..
How many male readers are still with us?
Anyone?.. Anyone?.. Wusses...

You might live in a trailer park if:
You've ever been mentioned in a State of The Union Address regarding poverty.

Another cookout with our friends for this time a Birthday.
The Midget returns....

We rolled up and it was a crowd. I have no clue exactly how many but the estimate was somewhere around twenty-three. This of course included the Midget's bunch which accounted for eight or nine. Yes, they were in all their glory and pretty much crashed the event in every way possible. Now from a few entries ago you may remember the pregnant welfare case.. Grandthing Midget showed off the newest welfare case which was four weeks old. Sad situation my friends - especially when toothless wonder yelled at the kid to shut up?? That right there is some mighty white trash parenting skillz. A four week old infant who is certainly destined to turn out like the rest of them..

Midget of course was gussied up in her usual outfit but this time minus the ballcap. The haircut was beyond belief and I am not certain that I can do it justice but here is the take.. Being that I am the object of her lustful desires, she informed me that she went home to take a shower. Didn't need that visual folks. Negative. So back to the minus ballcap description.. Downright tragical. Her head was shaved on top from front to about six inches back ending with in a disturbing mullet. Don't try to rationalize this because I have never seen anything close.
A return to the infested ballcap is highly recommended.

While trapped with the toothless wonder she informed me of her theory on "hyperactive" children. She puts them all to bed at 7:30pm to "keep them on a consistent schedule". Once again class A parenting skillz. Those children are not hyperactive. They are just screwed in the head.

Speaking of disturbing events it is time for another TV commercial segment.

You all know that I am a big fan of the maxipad commercials. Little lawn chairs, blue water and now pinball? Yes, I said pinball. Little maxipad chillin with wings and all the sudden a little ball breaks up and down the middle. aA few ping noises with the wings actually flapping and Lord God, it's game on.

WOULD-YOU-LIKE-TO-PLAY-A-GAME?

Of course there are a new slew of new Viagra and Herpes commercials which are pretty standard but this one takes the cake.. It was a men's product of course because female sexual dysfunction never gets attention but anyway I was trying to ignore it until the word SEMEN was broadcasted. Where is the FCC when you need them?? That word makes me cringe. Sperm count or plain "dysfunction" would have worked nicely but oh no they went for the big one.
Massive ewwwww!!

I haven't seen any amusing infomercials lately but maybe Cher will come back with a new hair product soon..

As for CNN-
Jessica and Nick got divorced. Don't care.
Hussein's wife is on Dubyas most wanted. Given.

An article was on the new rage "green funerals". I'm not a tree hugger by any means but this sounds interesting. There is no embalming, just simple shroud or enviro box into the ground. A natural stone or preferably a tree is planted in place of a regular marker. I've always committed to cremation but this is a pretty cool option.
But as Daddy would say, stupid hippie crap!

Damn this is a long entry and yall are probably tired of readin so I am going to close. Yall stop on by the park sometime and leave comments because the moonpies are still going fast!

You might live in a trailer park if:
You've ever tried to spread Christmas cheer with a crop duster.