Hey, Leatherface, come help me with Grandpa!

Yoda...........
Well you may remember the kitty that Scoob was eyeing at the vet? Yep, Bing & I went back to pick it up on Wednesday and named him Yoda. Look at the picture - it kinda works for him eh?

Yoda and his brothers were abandoned and best the vet could tell were about 7 weeks old. Yoda was the runt and extremely underdeveloped but completely lovable. He explored some and played with Rudy who instantly took him as his lil brother. A few hours later Yoda got slower and Scoob stayed up all night wrapping him in a heating pad and bottle feeding. We rushed him to the vet the next day but they put him down that night. He was only here for a day but he was the best little Jedi ever. We miss you Yoda boy...

So we got the final electric bill from the old trailer.. $475.00.
Bing called them up and apparently our payments have been late for the past few months. This was news to us folks because we pay online every month just as the hold message says 117 times. Well come to find out, this company who shall remain nameless but is less than "Reliable" takes three days to post internet payments! So we were paying before the due date but their books were hitting after. Of course they are unwilling to work with us because we are such delinquent badasses, hence Bing going into a conspiracy kick.
Everyone sing it with me..
PARANOIA, PARANOIA, everybody's coming to get me....

So, we were talking the other night about not receiving the first water bill yet. I explained that they gave us a nifty paper explaining how much water it takes to wash dishes, do laundry etc. Bing launched into a conspiracy on the folks of the Water Department. "Of course they are going to tell you it takes more water to hand wash than run the dishwasher! They want to sell as much water as possible! Regular freakin Ozarka and they lie!" This is the part where I tell you that this is a county water office with two of the nicest yet clueless women working there. They don't have time or no how for conspiracies..

Moving along.. We took our new found friend around Cleburne looking for a place to move. Touring the trailer parks, houses and shanty towns was as thrilling as deja vu can be. Oh, there was some sort of unpleasant Bing conspiracy exchange at the gas station involving profanity. And now we have come full circle folks and I promise it's gonna get better from here.

Rudy has been seriously down and out since Yoda rejoined the force and we were growing quite worried about him. Seriously pathetic. Why is it you always see free kitten signs everywhere until you actually want one?? We were on a mission to find Rudy a little brother so Bing stopped at a feed store and they gave us a number for a woman with free cats. Now keep in mind that we are pretty far out in the sticks to begin with.. I called and she proceeded to yack my freakin ear off about these kittens "born on thee fourth of July". Well happy birthday America.. So she agrees to meet us up the gravel county road at "that thar eeelectreec compney on the street".. Driving and no eeelectreec company in sight. I called her back and got a big ole "where yall at?"(..Turned out to be a fenced in transponder, go figure.) She didn't bring the cats and we were to follow her back to the house. Sinking feeling number one.. We drove around this road and that, turned here and there and kept truckin. Brandy began to recite memorable lines from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and it was getting a little creepy.
Finally we pulled into the drive and I'm not sure how to describe these people but I am gonna try.. The little lady was one of those inbred country types with a big ole "yall come right on in!" and her old man was a workin the yard swetchin up a storm with his buddies. We walked in the house and these people were hunters. I'm talking deer heads on the walls, bear rugs on the floors and I turned around to see a coyote head snarling from the back of the recliner! All kinds of Jesse James crap everywhere and little medicinal bottles full of eye of newt or something. So we get past the smell of dead meat that was probably swinging in the closet and find the kittens. They were cute and we picked out a little grey one with white feet. All the while the weirdos are trying to hock one off on Brandy. (Who has 7 of her own already.).. We promptly ran to the car, waived to the Ed Gein looking man whittlin wood in the barn and tore the hell out. We were screaming turns and hauling back to civilization as fast as we could fly!

So long story even longer, Rudy has another little brother who is warming up to the Animal Kingdom and is quite rambunctious.
Everyone meet Zippy!




You might live in a trailer park if:
Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.

I've been everywhere, man.. I've been everywhere, man.
Crossed the deserts bare, man.. I've breathed the mountain air, man.
Travel - I've had my share, man.. I've been everywhere.

I've been to:
Lancaster Ave
S. Vickery
W. Peter Smith St
----
Summit Ave
E. Rosedale St
Hemphill
S. Main Street
----
Henderson St
Jarvis
Lipscomb
AND Pennsylvania Avenue
----
What A pity I've been everywhere, man.. I've been everywhere, man.
Crossed the deserts bare, man.. I've breathed the mountain air, man.
Travel - I've had my share, man.
I've been everywhere!

Have you ever known you are so close to a destination yet cannot find the damn thing to save your life? Welcome to my day folks. I must tell you that I am very unfamiliar with most everything south of downtown Ft. Worth. I had my (un)trusty Mapquest directions which consisted of three turns but somehow it turned into an hour plus tour of "Shantytown".. You locals I am sure will be amused at the superb listing of locale up there.

(Waives to Gam!)
Long story even longer, I wore out the door locks and spent about $20 in gas to purchase a $6 item. Tragical.

Have I told you of our refrigerator tragedy?
We moved on into the purdy deelux trailer but had to scrape to find a fridge same day. Our last option (which we hated to do) was hit a rent to own place before 6pm on a Saturday. You know the drill, pay $1400 for a ridiculous marked up $700 item to begin with. Local version of a walk-in Fingerhut. We now have our 14.5 cubic ft fridge (yes, you did read that right, 14.5) for $80 a month and today I went in to make our second and hopefully last payment.

These places are created by Satan. First it is a maze to get around the damn place and lawd let me tell you some of the fugly stuff they got up in there! So I cruised on over to make the payment and was advised that we owed $94 vs. the $80 on the contract. Why might I ask? The snobby 17 year old cashier informed me that we had a late charge. We hadn't signed up for the bogus add on but apparently were a month behind on last month's fee of $13.
It's simple math here really. The first month of $80 has been paid.
How many weeks are in a month? Generally four.
Four weeks in a month and we are in week three, this negates the possibility of being a month late. - Do you see this kids?

Snobby was gracious enough to quit smacking her gum and pull the contract which showed we had checked the box declining coverage. Problem being she had charged the credit card for $93 and what we had there was a failure to communicate. I went for the throat and called the manager who refunded the difference (which is yet to show up) and fulfilled my demand of a new appliance bulb for our three week old fridge. I also explained that we requested our information not be marketed (see other checked box) but we have been receiving calls at home. Of course he will look into that right away because it certainly should not be happening!

Walking out the door I noticed an 18 cubic ft fridge for $76 a month....
Racket.

Scoob was in dire need of refreshment so we stopped at Sonic where I got the infamous Ocean Water. That stuff is still as bizarre as ever. A weird concoctive that aint right but you just cant put it down.. She was happily sucking down her orange cream slush when the conversation turned to yesteryear.. What has happened to Slurpees and Orange Julius? They have tragically gone downhill. We cant explain it, they just aint the same and dammit we're angry.

Next stop was to pick up some meds at the Vet. They had a seven week old kitten, free to a good home that Scoob was eyeing like a turkey at Thanksgiving. It was cute but all in all she decided to wait on pet prospects. Of course I had to tell Bing and Animal Kingdom may be up to six as of tomorrow morning..

Oh update for those of you informed on the previous Kingdom addition -
The folks were kind enough to bring Cooper down for a visit this past Sunday and he scared the boys and freaked the cats so we had stamp him a negative. The girlfriend didn't really look like she wanted to give him up anyway but I hope they find a good home for him if they do.

Bing has been thinking of getting an aquarium.

Ha, are you rolling your eyes too??
Punk the 20lb Mainecoon would certainly be playing water polo with fishy and Squirt would be standing by for a meal.

"Whatcha got there Charleyyyy? Chicken of the Seaaaaaaaaa...."

This idea is automatic DQ..

You might live in a trailer park if:

In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

If I Only Had a Hammer...

I cant sleep.
And perhaps its this gutrot thing I have going. I feel like a kid on his 13th bag of cotton candy while riding the tilt-a-whirl.
What we have here is a bitch of an unsatisfactory situation.

Nothing really to blog tonight dear park fans, I'm just awake.

Oh, I need to give a shout out to one of my favorite websites, Findadeath.com
This catchy little site contains detailed descriptions of celebrity deaths. The owner actually runs a "gravehunting" business in L.A. and will send you a "Death Hag" bumper sticker free of charge. Plus he might put you on the site if you send him a picture of the sticker in a nifty place! My personal favorite has got to be the JFK limousine in the Ford museum in Detroit Michigan -
http://findadeath.com/funstuff/detroithag/dec05.htm

Now wasn't that a thrilling experience??

Back to the Carnies on the tilt-a-whirl....

You might live in a trailer park if:
You've ever used a weed eater indoors.
(Dedicated to Daddy.)

I hate waiting in line. Anywhere anytime, the world is full of lines. Some are sometimes rude and in a hurry, other times some moron holds up the line for the stupidest shit.

In an effort to avoid the grocery store, I arrived at the Diamond Shamrock.. NO line = SCORE!
Thus, me and my two bottles of water would quickly be on our way! ..
Negative.

Two broads in pajama pants somehow got in front of me and it was game on.. "How much are these scratch offs? Ohhh not the twenty dollar ones! Which are the five dollars? Oh, Lone Star and Pinky Dice and Happy Poker, which shall we choose? Then we played the "two of these, three of those and one more of them ones" game. Apparently somebody couldn't count because twenty bucks was all they had for lottery glory.. Now I must tell you that there is a clock up on the window and I was counting the minutes.. Five minutes might not sound like a long time but trust me when I say it is an eternity when one is in a lottery dilemma. Two more minutes while the cashier voids the unwanted tickets.. Tick tock, Tick Tock with four people behind me.. "Which ones are the one dollars? (other igmo) "well you never win on dollar tickets heeee heee hee" (igmo #1) Yes but even a little would be nice.." and on and on. Tick tock.. Tic tock.. 10 minutes and I'm beginning to wonder if they are trying to win gas money.. 12 minutes and we have reached a decision - three Pinkys and four dollar Hoopla Happy Cash. The Broads pay in QUARTERS and proceed to start counting.. Must have been a light laundry mat day??
14 minutes later I was on my way with two bottles of half ass cold water.
I hate people.

Now speaking of laundry mats, I had a date in one once. Very interesting and it does take 2 hours to dry a comforter.. Two hours at a laundry mat aint necessarily a bad thang heh heh..
Do you wonder why they are called laundry mats? Did folks at one time wash only laundry mats? Is that some sort of kin to a front door mat? Ahhh the mysteries of life..

We had a nice friend over tonight who is well acquainted with my midget molester. The joys of reminiscing..We threw some burgers on and watched the movie RV. That movie folks has Daddy written all over it - right down to the RV sitting in a lake for two days. Definitely on Daddy's Christmas list. We enjoyed her stay and please come visit the park anytime!

It is 6am and I should be in bed but life is a gamble aint it?.. Bing is all suited up and ready for work on Wednesday! You go my woman! Some idiot found the Virgin Mary on a chocolate drop. She turns up anywhere these days and I reckon Mary was a Hershey's fan.. Nothing much else exciting.. No one has flown in the arms of Jesus and neither Angela Lansbury or Jesus has stopped by to pick anyone up.

You might live in a trailer park if:
You've ever been too drunk to fish.

So I was bored last week and got a newspaper. An actual newspaper.
Everyone now waive to my Gam who is certainly shaking her head right now at my pathetic, paperless generation. Don't get her started on my phone book skills!

I was reviewing the recent Obituary inductees when I ran across a couple of high rollers - "Sophia so and so (comma) Our precious angel (comma) fought hard for four days then flew into the arms of Jesus."
say it with me .... flew into the arms of Jesus??

"Jesus stopped by to pick up our Mother Juanita last Wednesday."
Jackpot.. Jesus just happened to stop by??? Lucky Juanita.
Remember that broad on Murder She Wrote? Every time she stopped by for a visit or weekend stay somebody wound up dead too..

Tonight I went to the grocery store and lawd if there wasn't a Krispy Kreme truck with the back doors wide open! My friend suggested we grab a couple of boxes but my conscience spoke to me.. Why steal a couple of boxes when you can take the whole truck?? But I really didn't see a good outcome with Bing having to spring me from her new job... negative.

And now a tasty receipe from a loyal park fan -

Frito Pie on the Go!
(This is designed to be assembled at 7-11)
Big Grab of Fritos (Dainty appetite? Use the snack-sized bag)
One can of chili with beans
Grated Cheddar cheese
Spork
Accouterments (your choice): sour cream, onions, tomatoes, jalapenos - whatever the 7-11 has

Snip across the side of the Fritos bag (an authentic Frito pie MUST be served in the bag and eaten with a spork). Pour in the chili, top with cheese and anything else your heart desires. Then stick the fork into the bag, mix it up into a sloppy mess, and enjoy! More fun that a funnel cake at the flea market!

You might live in a trailer park if:
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.