Change is Inevitable, Except From a Vending Machine

We have all had those moments of being on the verge of broke and forced to pay $14.00 in pennies. You know cmon.. sometimes you try to be discreet and roll them up, others you haul in the heavy duty zip and plunk it down. Amazing where spare change can be found if one looks hard enough! .. So you may ask yourself, Self, where is Renny going on this?
I went to the Stop and Go tonight for one friggin item and there were 6 ppl ahead of me. A gas station folks. This is not spending your day in Walmart.. Looking to see what the problem is I discover a grown man asking how much this is.. and that.. what if he buys two bags of Cheetos instead of one.. What kind of beer is on sale.. No, he doesnt drink that kind, do they have anything else? Wait he has a coupon.... He then unloads that half a Federal Mint of change on the counter.. Yup, we're up to 9 ppl in line now as he counts one..two.. fifteen.. twenty-three.. The rest of us finally get our stuff while schmo still totals off to the side.
And btw... he walked out with two chick-o-sticks, market value I'm guessing 15 cents.

While there I noticed this stuff called "Chaser". Some magical pill for hangovers with the marketing tactic "no carbs!".. No carbs? Are carbs really a concern after a night of downing 16 beers loaded with them? Waste of money kids. Stick with the Gatorade, cures it everytime.

Well for those of you that I havent updated, my little sister's wedding was two weekends ago. Everyone says the typical "oh how beautiful, cake was purdy, bride was stunning" and all that other shit but the main attraction was my nephew, Spawn. Apparently he wrecked the holy production by throwing himself down the stairs behind the preacher man and capping it off by picking his nose to high heaven... all while looking dashing in his midget tuxedo and not a hair out of place.
Spawn, Unkie Ren loves you and owes you a trip to Toys-R-Us real soon.


I'm not cocky. I just have faith.

Locking up the trailer for the night kids. Got me some pennies to roll before that big Dollar Tree excursion tomorrow.

You might live in a trailer park if:
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.

Grasshoppers

Have you ever felt a big change coming yet are afraid to breathe too hard? Thats kind of where I am at right now. Tired of being a nomad. Tired of fighting for everything yet getting no where. Just tired.

Sat for a while and watched the stars tonight in the clear sky..
The little things are beautiful.

- Jeannine, I miss you.

You might live in a trailer park if:
Your Momma has ammo on her Christmas list.

Eagles May Soar, but Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines

Everyboday say heyyyyy to SNOOP once again!
I'm not sure where she comes up with this stuff folks.. Tonight we discussed her theory of ramen noodles.

Yes friends, apparently ramen noodles cause some sort of brain damage.

You might live in a trailer park if:
Your dvd player is louder than the movie.

sometimes its the little things..

Have you ever gotten so bogged down that you lose your inner self?
I felt myself smile this weekend.

Thank you Jeannine.

------------------------

Dont Make Me Go Medieval On You...

Yankee Alert: School Zones. I get the same blank stare on this. Perhaps I should take special interest with the daily mullet convention down the street but here is my rant.. Yankees have school zone signs that say "School Zone. 20mph when children are present." .. When children are present? No time frame, no specification of how many, just when present. Does this apply in the case of two loners at 4:30 or am I looking for some kind of head count here? What about Saturday school? ..
See downward in logic country, we have these signs specifying times (i.e. 7-8am & 3-4pm) and also blinking lights. The kids have a safer route and there is no guesswork as to when you will receive a $300 ticket.

They say you shouldnt talk religion or politics. My blog. Your problem.
The Cowboy today released a listing of "potential threats" that have been thwarted in the name of Homeland Security. A top ten list of suspected airline bombings all over the country out to get us. To President Chaney's credit, I have no doubt these are true. My irk is over the timing of this here release. Anyone hear about those wiretapping troubles lately? Everyone in an uproar because they want to track our every action, J Edgar Hoover style?
I'm glad they let us know what was going on (for once) but the timing leaves questions in my mind. In defense of my mom though, I suppose I would have some stupid theory of defense if my guy were still in office.. (Mom, you can quit nodding your head now.)

In all seriousness there has been something on my mind today.
Please give a HUGE shoutout to the anonymous woman on the news yesterday morning. She was sound asleep when she heard glass break downstairs, called the police and set off with loaded gun to investigate. Saw a man in the kitchen and fired two shots which sent him running into the living room.. Her infant and teenage brother were sleeping in the living room folks. The intruder grabbed her brother,the woman held her gun steady and the police pulled up just as she was about to check him out. My point being is that this is a brave woman friends. A devoted mother who could have chosen to wait for the police but instead put her family above her own life.
We could all use a reality check off of that.

And btw, she bought the gun last year after her brother was murdered in the streets. Some lessons are hard learned but sometimes that knowledge pays off? ....

You might live in a trailer park if:
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.

1 pb&j sammich on white bread with the crusts cut off, 50 cents.
1 bag of Aldi (s) chips, 10 cents.
1 moonpie, 15 cents.

Renny taking the same lunch her entire life..... priceless.

And As a Special Bonus..

The Trailer Park has reached our 20th post! Ty for all of your support, admiration and bomb threats gentle readers. The moon pies and RC remain in great supply so please continue stopping by!

I was talking with my Mom tonight which partially inspired tonight's entry. Mom is a big fan of a news segment titled "Deal or Dud" and was anxiously awaiting evaluation of the "Pasta Express". Now I havent seen this one but she describes it as a long Tupperware tube like thing in which you can cook spaghetti, vegetables in a flash and even fresh hotdogs in about 15 minutes. The end result of "Deal or Dud" will be at the end of the entry..... (Dont you hate cliff hangers?)

Now I dont want her to think she is being shorted a shout out.
- Everybody say heyyyyyyyyy to MOM! -
This infomercial fixation must run in the genes. Here are Mom's top 3..

1) Pasta Express. Yall simmer down, we will reveal the findings.
2) That blender that "blends everything perfectly, every time!"
These are a creative bunch folks. They put anything in there! Vegetables, juices, turnip chunks, croutons.. Mom seems to think this the perfect gift for that special loved one who requires pureed food. An entire 6 course meal in under 30 seconds.
3) The real estate twin millionaire midgets.
Yes, I am aware that midgets prefer to be called "little people". This is my blog, my midgets.. Anyhow, you too can be a millionaire in less than 15 days and these little guys are a perfect example. Sitting in their Hawaiian shirts and Panama Jack hats sipping frozen daiquiris while peddling the program for an introductory price of $69.95. Even talking in unison and finishing each other's sentences in that cute Munchkin land monotone.
- Mom, that rotisserie accommodating a 16lb turkey may just come true this Christmas.

Now this got my wheels a turning toward my top 3...
1) That new omelet flipper.
Now I'm not talking about that horrible saucer shaped mistake of the past folks. This is a square pan that you pour your eggs in and put your stuffin down the middle. Here is where the magic comes in.. You press a button to fold one side and again for the other side. Perfect omelets everytime and also great for blintzes and crepes!
2) Battery Operated Cutting Knife,
Anyone seen this one? There is Chef Aussie complete with accent slicing thru tomatos, potatos and most amazing of all, angel food cake! Angel food cake folks! The concept of this thing is the two blades that saw back and forth with precision. Pretty nifty concept but it's basically an electric carving knife with smaller blades to clean.
3) The Magic Bullet Chopper.
My favorite of all and perhaps only because of the name. For those of you unfamiliar with the alternative product, this is also the title for a mutispeed/ multipurpose vibrator. Somehow it doesnt seem so appealing when you put the two concepts together. I dont need a chopping vibrator.. Although the chopper can make instant salsas, guacamole or whatever concoction you can dream up.
Whipped cream anyone? heh heh...

And now for tonights "Deal or Dud"!
The Pasta Express earned a $20 dud. Perhaps because you need only 5 minutes on a stove to boil hotdogs? Save your money folks, you'll need it until you too become a midget millionaire.

You might live in a trailer park if:
The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

Meanwhile, Back At the Ranch...

Falling asleep at the wheel again baby. Youre drifting over the line..

Let's recap my day thus far...

I had a disturbing dream kids.. Consisted of going to the gas station for coffee several times a day and pouring those little creamer cups in my coffee for 30 minutes.. Fyi, I dont drink creamer. This scenario kept playing over and over similar to the movie "Groundhog Day". I dunno folks.

Driving to work in this city is similar to driving Nascar. Avoiding cars doing 3 lane sweeps to make a turn lane, trucks going 30 mph in a 45 and of course those telephone company guys who are working in the middle of a street with no signs posted. Can I get a warning before slamming my brakes at 40mph??
Computer systems are down - 3 for 3 this week. Please refer to Monday's entry - I dont appreciate making 4 pots of coffee only to find them empty again. May just have to head to that gas station after all.. Do not transfer a client to me without me knowing who it is or whether they speak English. Btw, your name comes up on my caller ID. I know who you are.

Everybody say heyyyyy to BROKEN CUP GIRL!
She has a few issues that she wishes to address.
1) Stall Stalkers. You know, the ppl who chose to shack up in the bathroom stall directly next to you when nine others are available. Negative.
2) Potlucks. Do not volunteer to bring napkins so that you have the right to graze all day.
3) Drug Testing. They don’t test for things that would matter like cocaine and crack that would make you act stupid crazy or steal. But they will test for marijuana which can show up in your system a month after you did it. The worst that could happen there is that you would attack a box of cookies.


You might live in a trailer park if:
People mistakenly come to your house thinking your having a yard sale.

The Open Chicken: Open 24 Hours

Wanna see my picture on the cover
Wanna buy five copies for my Mother
Wanna see my smiling face on the cover of the Rolling Stone!

Well the inevitable has happened.
My blog is "too mean" and I "bitch too much".
.. then quit reading it.

Park Update: The Mazda is still in the yard now along side a Chrysler.

Yankee Alert: I do owe the residents of Illinois an apology. It seems that I was wrong about the name of a convenience store.
The store name is "White Hen" not "Open Chicken".

For those of you who dont know how much I hate to shop, you may find this amusing. I opened a can of soup this evening to find out that it expired last year. Canned goods have a shelf life of 2-3 years folks. I guess I have to actually go shopping at a real grocery store. 7-11 cant handle the volume. uggggh!

So I took my non-relationship girl to dinner last night and all of a sudden NRG and I just looked at each other because we couldnt believe what our ears were hearing. We both laughed because obviously we were n-synch. And I dont mean in a boy band way folks... Our attention is on the table behind us we couldnt believe what we were hearing. The table behind us is a family of 6 mom, dad, and 4 brats..uh.. I mean children. The rug rats were little... thinking 4 and under. There are these game cards on the table with words on them.
Dad: the word for the day is VELOCITY. Do you know what Velocity means?
He's asking a two year old folks.. The rug rat couldnt even say the word and he wants to know if she knew what it meant. So now NRG and I are having our thoughts on this. like.. Why are they rushing these kids? What is the GD hurry!!! NRG suggested teaching them how to spell CRAYOLA and I suggested shoving it up her ass.. See where this is going folks? They spent the whole time schooling these kids with words I can't even pronounce!! So sad.
So back to the 500 ways to make a pizza thing, what is up with that?? Next thing you know theyre going to make a no crust pizza and just give you a plate of sauce cheese and toppings. The pizza you can eat with a spoon!!! I have to say though, that cheese bites I think they call it was just OK. Nothing spectacular. It was interesting but not something I can't live without.
Give me a real slice you have to fold in half to eat and then we can talk turkey.
Non-relationship girl rocks my world!! btw.....


You might live in a trailer park if:
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Mayday.. Mayday....

I get here to work 10 minutes early only to find out that our systems are down. Tragic. I could have slept in. I dunno how many of you work in an office but coffee is a precious commodity here. We have 8 super brew pot things and never a drop in sight. This makes me very angry.
Yankee Alert: If youre going to kill the pot then have the decency to make another one. It's simple really. Open the little packet, put it in a filter and punch a button.

I was bummed to learn of Al Lewis' death.
Grandpa Munster we will miss you.

Park Update: The black mustang has been moved! Now a beige Mazda 626 has taken its place. Amazing the logic behind this folks..

Superbowl sucked. Surfed back and forth until I stumbled upon halftime. I dont know who picks this shit but it is highly over rated. Mick Jagger makes me nervous. All his runnin back and forth, forth and back, jumpin and forgetting to sing half the words.. Now the hoopla over censoring two songs? 1) You cant make out anything that he says anyway. 2)This isnt a Janet Jackson Scandal - these are lyrics that we've all grown up on for the last 40 years. Get over it.

Yall recall the lady with the face transplant? Everybody is having a royal fit because she has taken up smoking again against the doctors orders. News flash: She had her friggin face mauled off people. I gotta defend her on this. Lay off.

Coupons. Racket. So you are curled up in your bathrobe on a Sunday morning picking thru the paper when you stumble upon those familiar coupon booklets.. 35 cents off 6 boxes of cereal! buy 8 and get your free package of personalized post it notes! Negative. Unless you are running a Russian orphanage this really doesnt make a whole lot of sense.. But I reckon its up to you. Just dont make me wait for 20 minutes while you try to pass off the expired ones.

- 1 month until MLB spring training, 2 until opening days.
It has been a long haul since October!

You might live in a trailer park if:
You take a load to the city dump and bring back more than you took.

Rollin' Like a Celebrataaayy!

Ever catch a snippet of conversation so random that it makes you burst out in uncontrollable laughter?

poopy nugget.

Everyone please say heyyyyyyy to TARRI once again! Tonight was her finest hour thus far friends. Kareoke in full effect. This nights lineup was a tantalizing rendition of "I'm in love with a stripper" and ending in a sing along of David Lee Roth's "Just a gigolo".. why you ask? because... sheeeeee aint got noooo bodayyyyy.
Tarri, we love you woman.

Everyone please say heyyyyyyyyy to our newest addition, CAMILLE!
You have more than earned your shout out this evening ma'am. Please note that any further "intimate" inquiries shall be directed toward your daughter. I look forward to seeing you more around the park but am also in fear as to what may appear on my comment boards.
And by the way...
"Southern Brooklyn" dont rightfully qualify as "Southern".
Although.. your daughter seems to know a thing or two about moon pies.

Shout out to JEANNINE! Tarri hooked you up with a new ride.
So drive it like you stole it!

(Shakes head...) I cant handle anymore tonight folks..

You might live in a trailer park if:
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.

Just Sitting Here Watching the Wheels Go 'Round and 'Round..

Trailer Park Update: The black mustang has received a 48 hour notice to vacate but I'm not counting anything until it happens. Details to follow as they progress.

Ever have one of those days at work watching the clock and praying for that magical moment that you can bail? Tragic.

Yankee alert: The phrase "six of one, half dozen of the other".
Lived here almost 7 yrs and still dont understand that thing.

This has been irking me all day.. Why do people herd around doors? Standing like a brick 2 inches from the door copping a glare when I want to get by. I'll happily vacate your personal space if I can get around you idiot. Same goes for elevators. Common sense is to let people get out before more pile in.. Parking spaces. There are two lines - one for either side of your car. Granted there are occasions when I park like an idiot too but try my best not to make it a common occurrence. Shout out to the same red Toyota who parks 3 inches from my driver's door every day. You make me very angry..

What has happened to hamburger helper? The one time I go high flalootin and I get a shotty box. I knew something wasnt right when I needed 4 1/2 cups of liquid. Going back to the Aldi (s) knock off - mighty tasty and dependable every time!


You might live in a trailer park if:
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.